(If you've seen Sleepless in Seattle, the post title will start making more sense as you read...)
44. Try online dating. Again.
Yep, dearest readers, yours truly finally pulled up her boot straps and got herself back in the world of online dating. Again. I can't tell you how many times I have put myself out there via the nets that are inter, with varying degrees of non-success. But how else is a self proclaimed non social being supposed to meet anyone?
Most of the time, I am perfectly content in my little singleton world. I manage to keep busy but have a good amount of down time. Most days after dealing with people all day the only thing I want to do is curl up on the couch, a cat on either side of me, a glass of wine in front of me, and something entertaining on the pink TV. Most days nothing makes me happier. Most days.
But then there are those days where I feel...lonely. Where I walk in the door and I just wish I could pick up the phone and call someone to bitch to about my day. That I could get a text and when I see it's from that special someone I can't keep the cheesy grin off my face. Sometimes I wish I had an actual human being to cuddle with on that couch (mostly so he could get up and refill my wine glass when it's empty. Isn't that what boyfriends are for?) Someone to be overwhelmed by my insanely wonderful family. Someone to tell me everything will be okay when I start freaking out about something in my life. Someone to be stupid with and five minutes later be in the middle of a deep conversation with. I realize right now there are a few of you reading this, most of whom are probably related to me, who are thinking "What, I'm not good enough? You can call me!" Or even some of you who are thinking, "Come on, Summer, stop whining. You have your family. You have friends. You're not alone." I don't know how to explain it without delving too deeply in to my personal issues or sounding all sad and pathetic. This is just how I feel, even if I'm not explaining it very well.
Okay, deep breath, another sip of wine, and the depressing part is over. So finally, St. Patrick's Day weekend to be precise, I took the plunge and created an online profile. I am not telling you which site, because let's just say the fear of co-workers creating a fake profile to mess with me thinking they're being funny when they're not is prevalent in my mind. ("You made me fall in love with you!"-Liz Lemon) I like to think I created a profile that is interesting and hopefully inspires the right man to message me, although so far it seems mostly just weird guys who only look at my picture and then write me the oh so in depth and witty "Hey." Let me tell you, some of these messages I've received....! I've gotten at least one marriage proposal, I was asked if I like to drink whine, I've gotten messaged by a 61 year old man, just today I was told "great body", I've seen quite a few professions listed as "ask me about it" or "tell you later" and my favorite "puffer not to say." It's been....innnterressttinnngg.
Much like in real life it seems the men I find attractive are not attracted to me and vice versa. Also like real life, it seems that I cannot give up my Cougar label because it seems like most of the time when I'm like "Ooo, he's cute" he ends up being 26 or 27 (FYI, I'm 34, and actually a 7 year age gap would be moving up in the world. My last boyfriend was 9 years younger, the one before him 8). But there is a bit of a comfort in the fact that I can message someone and be rejected without it happening face to face. If I was to walk up to a guy in a bar (hang on a minute, I need a minute to stop laughing hysterically at the thought) and try to talk to him (again, laughing hysterically), besides the fact that my face would be beet red and I would probably say something incredibly stupid I would be terrified waiting for the inevitable "I'm flattered but." But when you do it online, it doesn't matter. A couple days go by with no reply and it's like "Eh, oh, well, on to the next." And if I get a message and after reading the profile, which I always do because you never know, I'm not interested, I don't feel bad not replying. The best part about all of this, I get to do it in my jammies!!!! From the comfort of my couch!!! It's like the best of both worlds. I'm meeting men (ok, well, sort of) and I don't have to leave my apartment. Bliss!
I do, of course, hope this works. While the hopeless romantic in me still dreams of that "meet-cute" moment where eyes meet across the Mastrena machine at work, the realist in me knows the chances of that happening are not very high. I will not go to a bar alone and I don't have a wealth of single lady friends to go out with. So this is how it is for now. I don't know where, if anywhere, this will lead me. There's a couple guys I've been talking with. In another couple months I may give up and pull my profile and just accept that maybe the only cuddling I will do is with my cats, who love me no matter how wacky I get, and isn't that what we all want?
If nothing else, maybe my adventures in the world of online dating will make those of you who have a somebody appreciate them a little more. Finding love isn't easy. Not for some of us. So give your main squeeze a big hug for no reason. Tell them you love them. Appreciate them. Feel blessed that you have someone to support you and someone you, in turn, can support. And have just a little bit of sympathy for those of us still swimming in the single pool. Try to remember what it was like. We're all just looking for a hand to hold.
