As I've embarked on the fascinating world of online dating, several people have told me I should start a blog. Since the last thing I need is yet another blog I barely keep up with, we'll just say any time I feel the need to write about my experiences I'll do it here and consider it an extension of doing 101 in 1001.
So now that's out of the way, here we go. Is there a point in your dating life where you give up on the fantasy to settle for the reality? Is there a way to compromise? Is there a time when you realize wanting the butterflies in your stomach is not a good thing and "nice" is where it's at? This is something I've been struggling with lately and it's making me question my whole outlook on dating and relationships and love.
It started a couple weeks ago when a guy I met online and I decided after a few weeks of messaging and texting to meet in person. We decided on my go-to for a first date, coffee at Starbucks near my apartment. I was looking forward to it, but I wasn't nervous or excited like I have been before. And the date was nice. We talked. We laughed. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. We hugged. It was....nice. And I inevitably started to compare to previous first dates, especially the really great ones. The ones where you don't want it to end so you keep finding things to do or the ones where you've talked for three hours and haven't even realized it. Now, I've had dates where I knew by the end of the night it wasn't going anywhere as well. And this one was....nice. No repulsion. But no excitement.
I want the excitement. I want butterflies and uncontrollable smiles and happy dances and giddiness. But it seems like when I get that, it ends. Maybe all of that is a sign of infatuation. Could it be that a true sign of a mature and lasting relationship is that everything is on an even keel? There's no major ups, but then there's no major downs either. Shouldn't that be what I want? What is so wrong with me that I require all the passion and emotion that never ends well?
I've gone out with this guy on a second date and we're going on our third tonight. The dreamer in me is still waiting for the butterflies, the realist is saying if everyone else seems to think this is the guy to pursue then do it. He's nice. I like spending time with him. He's not one of those alpha male semi-jerks with commitment issues I always seem to go for.
Maybe my mom is right and I've set my standards too high. I know real life is not like the movies or a Nora Roberts novel. There's enough realist in me to recognize that every step in a relationship is not smooth or easy or perfect. And yes, I also know that every date does not have to end in a relationship. But the dreamer in me still wants a touch of the romance, a bit of the thrill. I guess I just don't know if that's possible or if I've set myself up for disappointment. Will my fear of being alone and/or settling cause me to miss out on something? Or will holding out for amazing be the answer? I just don't know. But I guess one way or another I'll find out.
