About a month ago I finished my second year of seminary. I was relieved to have some time to myself, excited and sad to see my friends graduate, and then I eased myself in to a new routine that didn't revolve around homework or thinking about homework or not doing homework and inwardly lecturing myself that I should be doing homework. Just a few days ago I got the email that my grades had been posted. Did all my hard work pay off......?
Yes it did. Now, obviously you have a general idea throughout the semester of how you're doing. There are quizzes and weekly one page papers and so you have a vague sense of if you're doing okay or not. But there's still that moment of trepidation right before you click on the link. Did I really do as well as I hoped? Is there a chance I did better? Is there a chance I did worse? Especially for me where in my classes a good portion of the grade comes out of class participation. I say this because I am an introvert and this means it is not always comfortable for me to speak up in a group situation. I like to sit back and observe and take everything in, letting things that are said sit in my brain for a while before I speak up. Unfortunately this means that class is sometimes over before I can say what's on my mind. (The irony of this is that I'm an actor. Put me on a stage in front of a crowd of people and I will perform my butt off. No, I don't' get it either. Perhaps I'll blog about it one day.) But I've gotten off topic. I'm sure you're just dying to know how I did. Here goes:
Women and Gender Responses to Faith, Belief, and Understanding: B+
Biblical Greek: B+
Intro to Preaching: A
GO ME!!!
I'm proud of myself. There. I said it. Screw being humble and modest. And for one moment I will stop comparing myself to other students who do way more than I do. I work full time, usually 38-40 hours a week. I received a promotion in January to Team Lead of my work center. I got in to and then out of a relationship in the span of two months. It was a really brutally cold winter which does not make me a happy motivated person. I had to deal with finding a site for my Supervised Ministry for next year as well as my Evaluation I (which determined whether I would be able to progress in my studies at CRCDS. I passed.) All of this on top of reading a crap load of stuff for class every week, twice preparing a sermon (only the third and fourth time I've ever preached a sermon), and busting my ass to translate several passages of Biblical Greek on a weekly basis, sometimes having to translate ten or more verses in just two days. Did I always hit the marks I wanted to? No. There were definitely times I didn't put as much as I wanted to in a paper or in studying. But I was able to balance everything in my life and still pull off decent grades. So I say again, GO ME.
The one major thing I learned this past semester was to not be afraid to take time for me. I turned to coloring as a stress relief. I made sure I fit in an hour or so of TV just to unwind my brain after hours of translating Greek. And lest I think that was enough, I got a really nasty cold a couple weeks before the end of the semester. I didn't go to class one day but ended up doing homework most of the day anyway. I went to work for a full shift the next day and to class all day the day after that. I went to work the following day and by the time I got there I knew I wasn't going to make it. I was sick. I went home early and literally did nothing but sit on the couch for the rest of the day watching TV. Despite the fact that this put me a bit behind in homework I felt a hundred times better the next day. Clearly my body was ready for a Sabbath Day.
Now, I don't know what next semester is going to hold for me. I'll still be working full time, although I'll have to cut back to four days instead of five. I start my Supervised Ministry this summer (which is an internship at a local church) and I have no clue what that will look like other than I know I'll be in services Sunday morning and youth group Sunday evening. I will be going to school full time and taking Biblical Hebrew, Black Church Perspectives on Faith, Understanding, and Belief, and a class for my Supervised Ministry. Yes, I'm completely exhausted just thinking about it. I'm cramming in as much social time and TV time as I can this summer, hoping that somehow it will balance out when September comes. But now I know what I can accomplish. And I am proud of me. And isn't that the most important thing.....that we can be proud of ourselves?
