Hello my faithful readers. This is a blog I've been wanting to write for a while, pretty much ever since I made the decision to quit my job. I just haven't known how. So finally I figured I'd take a look back at a little over a week in to my life without Target and see how it's going.
But first, let me talk a little bit about what led to the decision. I won't lie, there were things going on that were causing me to be unhappy, things that I won't go in to here because I've tried to leave them behind me. But the stress that those things were causing me was one of the factors I considered when I wrestled with myself over whether or not to leave. See, I had actually had this idea in the back of my head since about halfway through my last semester. When I would be so tired after coming home from work that I couldn't focus on homework or when I was struggling just to finish the reading before class knowing that I hadn't retained anything or when I would walk in to Biblical Greek and have to tell my professor that I hadn't finished the assignment because I had run out of time, those are the times when the idea would pop up: "What would it be like if I didn't have to balance a full time job and full time school?" Then I would push it to the back of mind and soldier on, because that's what I had done for the three semesters prior to this. But I couldn't quite the shake the idea. Then the semester was over and I was able to rest and put a lot of my focus towards my Celtic Spirituality class and the trip to Scotland we were taking. I came back from those 10 days away, had a day to recover, worked the next 9 days in a row, and then was off again on a Middle School Mini Mission Trip to the Adirondacks with the church I am doing my supervised ministry at. I got back from that and woah, now it was mid July. School was starting in just over a month. And the soul searching began. I kept remembering how I felt the last semester (when I received a promotion to team lead) and the struggle-filled balancing act I had gone through. I remembered what it felt like to focus on something that had to do with my career and my current internship (for lack of a better word). I remembered all the stresses I had felt during the summer. I thought ahead to the upcoming semester, and realized it would be worse than the previous one because I was adding basically another part time job on to the full time job and the full time school. I prayed and thought and thought and prayed. I came close to crying almost every day and every time I thought I had it figured out one way I would immediately start figuring out why the other way would work better. I told a couple close friends and one of my sisters what I was considering, mostly just to see if I was being an idiot. And then I made the hard decision to quit my job.
There was a sense of relief. There was a sense of sadness (I had been there almost 6 years). And then, my last week there, came the panic. Oh God, what did I do? I just did away with my steady income. I have no one to lean on, no one to support me. I will admit, the panic has not been helped by the people who ask what I'm going to do now. I immediately start assuming I'm a complete fuck-up since I have no other job and am not actively looking for one. At this point why would I jump in to another job when part of the point of leaving was so that I had time to focus on school?
So I have had to constantly take breaths and remind myself why I left. I already feel the change just in this first week. There isn't a nagging worry about what's going on at work when I'm not there. I don't wake up wondering if anyone besides me will show up or will I have to open late or close early. I don't have to have this constant cloud of work hanging over me while I'm trying to do homework or while I'm in class. I don't sit at work wishing I could be doing homework. I don't feel guilty if I take some time for me. I have the luxury of being able to spend a couple hours on homework and not have to get up extra early or stay up late. I'm not trying to concentrate on reading while on the bus or in my office where I can still hear what's going on in the break room. And I know once I start my supervised ministry in earnest how lucky I will feel to be able to focus on the discernment process of where my future may lie. Honestly I think my only danger right now is making sure I don't get too lazy and get sucked in to hours of YouTube. (It's happened). On a personal level, I also want to make sure that the three days I have off in a row are not three days of my not leaving the apartment except to get my mail. (Yeah, that happened too Friday and Saturday)
So how has my first week been? Pretty good. I see where the adjustments still need to be made. In fact, I'm contemplating writing out a detailed timed schedule for every day so the YouTube incident doesn't happen again. I still of course panic almost every day about money, but it's coming less and less. Now, I don't mean to say this is a decision everyone should make. I had to really examine what was going to be bests for me personally, emotionally, spiritually and healthwise. At the end of the day I put my well-being over having money to splurge on expensive makeup or a trip to Germany (which I am still wracking my brain trying to figure out how to make that happen). I know this next school year will be a lot of ups and downs. I'm sure I will periodically question if this was the best decision. But all I can do is trust in God. God has always taken care of me and I have to have faith that will continue to happen. As a worrier this is not always easy for me, but I have faith in myself that I can do this. If you're reading this, continue to support me. That really helped when I started telling people. Almost everyone I spoke to, even if they were sad about me leaving work, understood and supported what I had to do. And that means the world when you make a major life changing decision on your own. You can support me by praying for me, sending good thoughts my way, listening if I feel like I'm starting to panic, loving me as I continue on this journey.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Ipsy Glam Bag August 2015
So, I'm kind of over all the deep thoughts and emotions that this blog has been recently, so I've decided instead of being productive and doing dishes, I will review my recent Ipsy bag!!!!!
Now, I love my Ipsy subscription because I get the chance to try out things I never would've thought of or simply can't afford. In this month's bag, I had a good mix of items I was excited to try, things I was nervous to try and never would've bought on my own, and things I was just eh about. So here goes....
First, the bag itself. It is so stinking cute!!!!
It's made of a textured vinyl/plastic material which mean it would wipe clean easily in a gorgeous black and white houndstooth pattern. I can easily see using this as a clutch if I meet up with friends or perhaps as my fall makeup bag in my purse or backpack. I'm going to a lock-in this weekend, so maybe I'll use it to carry my overnight toiletries. The zipper and zipper pull are a nice pop of bright pink so it adds a bit of fun to the bag. I love collecting these makeup bags and still use most of them for one thing or another.
Item 1: Albertini Divine Skin Hydrator In Shower Body Moisturizer (Unscented)
This item is the one I was sort of meh about trying. I had tried an in shower moisturizer years ago as a way to streamline my morning routine, and while I don't remember loving it I don't remember hating it either. According to the package instructions you can either apply it in your shower, rinse off, and pat dry or you can apply it after showering and leave it on. The couple times I used it I chose to apply it in shower. Now, it says to use a small amount and I don't know if I used too little product or not, but I didn't feel it moisturized me any better than the lotion or shower gel I currently use. I could see the water beading on my skin after applying and my skin did feel smooth after my shower. But I guess I'm an old fashioned gal and I like the routine of applying my lotion after my shower. Plus, I like scented products since I don't wear perfume. I'll probably use this periodically to change up my routine and will definitely try it after shower to see if the results are different, but as of right now I don't see me rushing out to buy the product any time soon. If this is something you're interested, it's available at albertiniinterntional.com for $16 (9oz. tube)
Item 2: Lord & Berry Lipliner in Nude
Oh boy was I nervous to try this. I am not a lipliner kind of gal. I've been afraid that the line would be noticeably different or that my lipstisck would wear off after eating and drinking and all that would be left was this line around my lips. So when I saw this in my bag I made a little face and thought, "Man, I don't know about this." I swatched it on my hand and the color looked really dark, so it was with trepidation that I took a chance a couple days later and decided I would wear it. The whole point of Ipsy is to try makeup and hair things I normally wouldn't, and the Ipsy stylists I follow use liner, so why not, right? I applied it, sending up a little prayer that it wouldn't look ridiculous and....it actually didn't!! The color was lighter on my lips than it had appeared on my hand and as I looked at myself in the mirror I realized I have a NYX Butter Lipstick that would match it almost perfectly. When I was done I realized the liner gave my lips more finished look that I really liked. I will definitely use this liner again and may even purchase more liner in the future, although probably not from Lord & Berry. They are a little bit out of my price range. ($18 at lordandberry.com)
Item 3: Doll 10 HydraGel Cream Blush in Flirt
My other product I was nervous to try. I have never worn anything other than powder blush so I wasn't sure how I would feel about a cream blush. The color was gorgeous, but I know that cream blushes have a more intense color/pigment so I wasn't sure how it would look on my fair skin. I like a nice, natural, flushed look rather than a oh-my-god-she's-wearing-too-much-blush look, you know? So I had a couple days where I was running late in the morning and was trying to simplify my routine, so I put it on really quick and was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly it went on and how lightly. It blended in with my foundation really easily and looked very natural. Now, I will say, I put it on just this morning and felt like I was a little heavy-fingered with the blush. It looked a little darker than I prefer, so when using a cream blush I know I have to be careful with how much I use. I'll probably use a very light amount and slowly build it up to the point where you can notice the color, but it doesn't pop out at you. I actually may buy a cream blush in the future. I was a little disappointed because when I went to Doll10.com it appeared that the color I had was the only cream blush they offered, but since my sample seems to be close to what I would consider a normal size, I guess I'll just be content with what I have for now. ($16 at the website)
Item 4: eco-beauty by LaFresh Group good night night cream
Oh my goodness, when I got a sneak-peek of this month's bag and I saw this was one of the items being offered I crossed everything I could in the hopes that I would get this. Months and months ago I receive a sample of their day cream and I just absolutely fell in love with it. It feel so hydrating and cool going on and I swear my face never looked better. The downside? One jar cost $30. So I never bought it but every time I've bought day cream since then I've let out a little sigh of regret that it wasn't from LaFresh. So you can imagine how excited I was to go to bed the other night and use this sample. It did not disappoint. The same creamy texture, the same level of moisture, and a light cucumber smell. While I still think the day cream is better, I do love this night cream. I'm trying to find the balance of using enough so it will work properly and not so much that I use it up too quickly. Now, LaFresh was one of the companies that had a deal with Ipsy this month for a certain percentage off, but imagine my disappointment when I went to LaFreshGroup.com and saw that the price of their day and night cream had gone up to $40. Even with the discount it is still definitely not in my budget right now. Like a friend of mine said a few days ago, though, you do get what you pay for. I would say if you have the money you should definitely get their creams. And the fact that their products are natural, biodegradable, and cruelty free is definitely a bonus.
Item 5: Noyah Lipstick in Desert Rose
This is the second time in my over a year with Ipsy that I have received a sample of lipstick from Noyah, so I was definitely happy to see it in my bag. The last color I got (which I am blanking on now) is a really nice color for colder weather and it's one I pull out often. I've been going with bright colors for the summer, so it was nice to get what I would call a transition color. The pink is light enough that it will still fit the warmer temps, but dark enough that on those random cold days that will start popping up it will look in season. I personally feel that the lipstick goes on a bit dry so I would recommend putting on a little chapstick or lip balm (untinted) to soften and moisturize your lips at the beginning of your makeup routine so it goes on a little smoother. When I went to noyah.com I was very happy to see that the makeup line is kosher and all natural. They had gorgeous lip colors on there, but at $18 a tube I will probably have to abstain for right now.
So there's my thoughts on the August Ipsy bag. Are you an Ipster? Did you get any of these products? What are your thoughts? Did you get something different that you want to talk about? Leave me a comment! Gentle and kind thoughts, only please. There's already too much negative in the world.
Also, I was trying to add pictures of the products but for some reason my one drive and my blog do not like each other. Maybe next month....
Now, I love my Ipsy subscription because I get the chance to try out things I never would've thought of or simply can't afford. In this month's bag, I had a good mix of items I was excited to try, things I was nervous to try and never would've bought on my own, and things I was just eh about. So here goes....
First, the bag itself. It is so stinking cute!!!!
It's made of a textured vinyl/plastic material which mean it would wipe clean easily in a gorgeous black and white houndstooth pattern. I can easily see using this as a clutch if I meet up with friends or perhaps as my fall makeup bag in my purse or backpack. I'm going to a lock-in this weekend, so maybe I'll use it to carry my overnight toiletries. The zipper and zipper pull are a nice pop of bright pink so it adds a bit of fun to the bag. I love collecting these makeup bags and still use most of them for one thing or another.
Item 1: Albertini Divine Skin Hydrator In Shower Body Moisturizer (Unscented)
This item is the one I was sort of meh about trying. I had tried an in shower moisturizer years ago as a way to streamline my morning routine, and while I don't remember loving it I don't remember hating it either. According to the package instructions you can either apply it in your shower, rinse off, and pat dry or you can apply it after showering and leave it on. The couple times I used it I chose to apply it in shower. Now, it says to use a small amount and I don't know if I used too little product or not, but I didn't feel it moisturized me any better than the lotion or shower gel I currently use. I could see the water beading on my skin after applying and my skin did feel smooth after my shower. But I guess I'm an old fashioned gal and I like the routine of applying my lotion after my shower. Plus, I like scented products since I don't wear perfume. I'll probably use this periodically to change up my routine and will definitely try it after shower to see if the results are different, but as of right now I don't see me rushing out to buy the product any time soon. If this is something you're interested, it's available at albertiniinterntional.com for $16 (9oz. tube)
Item 2: Lord & Berry Lipliner in Nude
Oh boy was I nervous to try this. I am not a lipliner kind of gal. I've been afraid that the line would be noticeably different or that my lipstisck would wear off after eating and drinking and all that would be left was this line around my lips. So when I saw this in my bag I made a little face and thought, "Man, I don't know about this." I swatched it on my hand and the color looked really dark, so it was with trepidation that I took a chance a couple days later and decided I would wear it. The whole point of Ipsy is to try makeup and hair things I normally wouldn't, and the Ipsy stylists I follow use liner, so why not, right? I applied it, sending up a little prayer that it wouldn't look ridiculous and....it actually didn't!! The color was lighter on my lips than it had appeared on my hand and as I looked at myself in the mirror I realized I have a NYX Butter Lipstick that would match it almost perfectly. When I was done I realized the liner gave my lips more finished look that I really liked. I will definitely use this liner again and may even purchase more liner in the future, although probably not from Lord & Berry. They are a little bit out of my price range. ($18 at lordandberry.com)
Item 3: Doll 10 HydraGel Cream Blush in Flirt
My other product I was nervous to try. I have never worn anything other than powder blush so I wasn't sure how I would feel about a cream blush. The color was gorgeous, but I know that cream blushes have a more intense color/pigment so I wasn't sure how it would look on my fair skin. I like a nice, natural, flushed look rather than a oh-my-god-she's-wearing-too-much-blush look, you know? So I had a couple days where I was running late in the morning and was trying to simplify my routine, so I put it on really quick and was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly it went on and how lightly. It blended in with my foundation really easily and looked very natural. Now, I will say, I put it on just this morning and felt like I was a little heavy-fingered with the blush. It looked a little darker than I prefer, so when using a cream blush I know I have to be careful with how much I use. I'll probably use a very light amount and slowly build it up to the point where you can notice the color, but it doesn't pop out at you. I actually may buy a cream blush in the future. I was a little disappointed because when I went to Doll10.com it appeared that the color I had was the only cream blush they offered, but since my sample seems to be close to what I would consider a normal size, I guess I'll just be content with what I have for now. ($16 at the website)
Item 4: eco-beauty by LaFresh Group good night night cream
Oh my goodness, when I got a sneak-peek of this month's bag and I saw this was one of the items being offered I crossed everything I could in the hopes that I would get this. Months and months ago I receive a sample of their day cream and I just absolutely fell in love with it. It feel so hydrating and cool going on and I swear my face never looked better. The downside? One jar cost $30. So I never bought it but every time I've bought day cream since then I've let out a little sigh of regret that it wasn't from LaFresh. So you can imagine how excited I was to go to bed the other night and use this sample. It did not disappoint. The same creamy texture, the same level of moisture, and a light cucumber smell. While I still think the day cream is better, I do love this night cream. I'm trying to find the balance of using enough so it will work properly and not so much that I use it up too quickly. Now, LaFresh was one of the companies that had a deal with Ipsy this month for a certain percentage off, but imagine my disappointment when I went to LaFreshGroup.com and saw that the price of their day and night cream had gone up to $40. Even with the discount it is still definitely not in my budget right now. Like a friend of mine said a few days ago, though, you do get what you pay for. I would say if you have the money you should definitely get their creams. And the fact that their products are natural, biodegradable, and cruelty free is definitely a bonus.
Item 5: Noyah Lipstick in Desert Rose
This is the second time in my over a year with Ipsy that I have received a sample of lipstick from Noyah, so I was definitely happy to see it in my bag. The last color I got (which I am blanking on now) is a really nice color for colder weather and it's one I pull out often. I've been going with bright colors for the summer, so it was nice to get what I would call a transition color. The pink is light enough that it will still fit the warmer temps, but dark enough that on those random cold days that will start popping up it will look in season. I personally feel that the lipstick goes on a bit dry so I would recommend putting on a little chapstick or lip balm (untinted) to soften and moisturize your lips at the beginning of your makeup routine so it goes on a little smoother. When I went to noyah.com I was very happy to see that the makeup line is kosher and all natural. They had gorgeous lip colors on there, but at $18 a tube I will probably have to abstain for right now.
So there's my thoughts on the August Ipsy bag. Are you an Ipster? Did you get any of these products? What are your thoughts? Did you get something different that you want to talk about? Leave me a comment! Gentle and kind thoughts, only please. There's already too much negative in the world.
Also, I was trying to add pictures of the products but for some reason my one drive and my blog do not like each other. Maybe next month....
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