If I Had A Million Dollars....

...I'd be rich.

Although, I guess in this case, it should be "If I had a billion dollars." Yes, hard to believe, but that Power Ball lotto is up in the billions. Everyone seems to have lotto frenzy. The wish lists have come out and everyone is posting on Facebook and Twitter about what they would do with the money.

Let's be real: we all know we have little to no chance of winning. There's another thing working its way around social media- all the things that have a better chance of happening to you (like being eaten by a shark) than winning the lottery. And yet, people keep buying those tickets. People who have never played a day in their life before are buying tickets because, "Somebody has to win!" I wonder why that is?

Well, I can't speak for anyone else out there, but I know why I would buy a ticket. The dream. The fantasy. The longing to not be burdened any more by monetary worries and concerns. No more living paycheck to paycheck. It's fun to escape in to the day dream of "what if" and escape the realities of this world, even for just a couple minutes. Reality? I have a tiny studio apartment with no storage or kitchen space. I will be paying back student loans until after I die. I have to second and third guess any purchase right now because I'm living off my loans. I was hoping to travel to Germany and visit a friend over winter break, but now I don't know if it will ever happen. Fantasy? Oh, the fantasies. I could pay off my student loans and pay for my last year and a half of grad school. I could live in a fancy apartment, maybe even a loft apartment! Or I could buy a house! I could finally get my license because I would be able to afford a car. I could travel around the world, including Germany. I wouldn't have to weigh pros and cons about buying anything, especially a $5 lipstick. I wouldn't have to work unless I wanted to. I could take care of my family. Those visions are way better than what faces me every day. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like my life just fine and I know having money doesn't mean life gets easier. But there are stresses that would go away. I wouldn't have money nightmares when I sleep. (Yes, this has really been happening.) Life would be just a bit easier.

So, will I go out and buy a Power Ball ticket this week? I don't know. Maybe I will. Maybe the next time I blog I'll be sitting on a beach or in a hotel with a view of a city I've never been to. Or maybe I won't, and I'll continue to set goals and dream dreams for myself that are more realistic. Because, hey, you never know.

I See You 2016

We are eight days in to 2016 and I have not broken one of my resolutions. Probably because I haven't made any. I actually don't like the idea of a resolution. The implication is that you failed at something the previous year or you have somehow found you or your life lacking and need to improve it. Is that really a good mindset to get in to? I mean, no wonder we break resolutions. In the making of them we are looking at what we consider our faults or weaknesses and dwelling on them as we come up with ways to fix ourselves. But maybe we don't need to be fixed. Or maybe focusing on so much negativity is defeatist. I don't know about you, but when I start thinking about what I don't like about myself there reaches a point where I feel it piling up and I decide to throw my hands in the air, declare myself a lost cause, and go pour myself a big glass of wine.

So I'm doing something a little different this year. I have decided to set Goals for 2016. These are things I want to do in the upcoming year, things that don't necessarily focus on where I think I've failed but where I think I want to go. I realize that setting goals is similar to resolutions, but by calling them goals I don't feel like I'm putting myself down for what I have or haven't done in 2015. Instead of looking back I'm looking forward to something.

GOAL 1: Do yoga more. I slowly started doing yoga less and less that by the time December hit I had stopped doing it altogether. I miss it. Unflexible joints make me feel old. And I have gained weight (trust me, I know how my clothes fit) which part of me doesn't mind, but I know I've gained weight because I'm not currently moving very far off my couch. So just to be healthy and moving I want to start up again. I thought about setting a goal of a certain number of days but that actually stresses me out if the end of the week happens and I've only done yoga one day instead of three.

GOAL 2: Blog more. I've really enjoyed getting back in to blogging and I want to keep up with it. Again, I was going to set a goal of a certain number of days a week, but really I just don't want it to be months between blog posts.

GOAL 3: Do more fun reading. It's really hard to find time during the school year when it seems like the only reading I'm doing is assigned reading. This is why I have a stack of books that have accumulated over a couple years now, waiting to be read. I admit watching TV is how I spend a lot of my free time (hello binge watching) so I want to make more of an effort to set aside time to read non-school books.

GOAL 4: Eat/drink less sugar. Again, this is about my health. I'm not a big sweets person to begin with, but with the holidays I know I consumed more sugar in the form of pop and cookies/candy/cupcakes/fudge. I always feel good when I cut back so I'm aiming to get there again. I'm realistic. I'm  not going to cut sugar out completely. Anything Reese's is my weakness and I enjoy putting flavored creamer in my afternoon coffee (instead of spending money on a flavored latte). But I need to take care of myself. I'm not getting any younger!

And that's it. I'm mostly just looking to do more of things that I enjoy, things that make me feel good physically, mentally, and emotionally. Hopefully these will be easy to accomplish and nothing I can get down on myself about. I'll keep you posted!

What are your goals for 2016?

Last Day of Christmas

Well, it's official: Christmas is over.

Yes, dear readers, today I took down my Christmas decorations. I started it yesterday and finished the task today, just a few days short of Epiphany, which is my personal cutoff day for decorations. (If you don't know, Epiphany is traditionally the day where the wise men are celebrated. It is also the twelfth day of Christmas.) The trick is to find that sweet spot of time where you're not yet completely over seeing the lights and stockings and tree, but not still so joyful at seeing them around that you'll be sad every time you look around. If I take them down too early then it just seems sad and depressing, but if I wait too long then the task is nothing but a big pain in the ass because I JUST WANT THEM GONE!! Today was the sweet spot.

I admit to feeling just a bit bummed as I take everything down and put it back in the boxes. I love my Christmas mugs and plate set and seeing the candles in my windows and the lighted garland above my kitchen counters makes me smile. The apartment always looks a little bare and empty when I don't have those to look at. When I ate my cereal out of my usual bowl this morning and drank my coffee out of one of my every-day mugs, there was a bit of a let down. But as I loaded up my totes there was definitely a sense of relief as well. Have you ever noticed how putting up the decorations seems to take almost no time at all and doesn't even seem like work? Complete opposite today. It seemed to take forever and even at times got a bit annoying. Or maybe that was the plotline on today's Bold and the Beautiful. Either way, without the sense of anticipation, it felt like work.

And I guess that's where the depressed part of taking down the decorations comes in to play. There's no anticipation, nothing to look forward to. Instead I'm just looking at months (and months) of winter and cold and snow and gray skies. Today was our first real winter day with temperatures hovering around 10 degrees and windchills around 0. It's been snowing lightly most of the day and my heaters have been working hard to keep my little studio apartment warm. Sure, I start school up again in a few weeks and there's a couple youth retreats I'm looking forward to this month, but other than that..... nothing. At least when I take down Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations there's a holiday immediately following, but not so much. Well, yeah, there's Valentine's Day, and yes I do have decorations, but it's nothing like Christmas.

I remember once my mom told me that every year when she puts away her Christmas decorations she wonders where she'll be when she gets them out again the following holiday season. What will have changed in her life? What ups and downs will have occurred? Ever since then I find myself wondering the same thing. I know that if you had told me a year ago what my life would've gone through, there are things I wouldn't have believed. 2015 was a roller-coaster year, but so much good happened and I ended the year on such a positive note that I can only hope 2016 equals it. I know I will look back on some things and wish I had done them differently or wish they hadn't happened. This is true of life. But I also know there will be things I will be glad happened to me and experiences I will never forget. So maybe as I stare at my boxes waiting to be stored at my mom's (studio apartment with no storage space = thankful for nearby family) that can be the anticipation that makes today a little less depressing: anticipation of the possibilities of 2016. Anticipation of everything that this next year will bring me and the growth I will encounter. I've got a good feeling about this year and I can't wait to see where I'll be when these decorations go up in November.

Rocky's not ready to let go of Christmas yet.