Gift Giving

Part of my morning routine these past few weeks is to change the wooden blocks in my countdown Santa to reflect how many days are left until Christmas. With equal parts excitement and dread, I changed those blocks today to read "09." Yes, folks, we are now in the single digits portion of the Countdown to Christmas. When did this happen? It seems like just yesterday I was thinking that I had weeks left to finish my Christmas presents and now I feel like I'm in a scramble, especially since our Family Christmas (Part 1) is this Saturday. Three days away. And now I'm just a few steps away from full-on panic mode when it comes to Christmas present. Like, if one little thing goes wrong I might just scrap the whole idea. Now, there has never been a time in my family, especially as me and my sisters have become adults, where anyone has pressured anyone else in to giving presents. There's been years where I've sworn I would only give the nieces and nephews presents, but inevitably under the tree have been presents for the adults as well. I just can't seem to stop myself.

Now, if there was any year where my family would understand a lack of presents from me, it would be this one. I am currently not working and living off of my student loan refunds as I go to school full time and engage in my Supervised Ministry. (There's a previous blog around this if you missed it and are curious as to that decision.) At first I went back to the stand-by of "presents for kids only." But then I realized that even if I only spent $10 on each niece or nephew, that would be $70 right there. So I decided one day as I was flipping through my The Stitchery catalog that I would cross-stitch mini stockings for everyone and put together little gift bags with candy and homemade Christmas cookies and other as yet to be determined little items. Everyone would get the same thing, but I would get to give presents this year.

Some of the patterns I've been working on

I'm sure you're thinking that I should've just decided to not do Christmas presents this year, and you're probably right. But see, there's a problem: I love giving gifts. I love birthdays or Christmas when I get to purchase something I think the person will like and give it to them. I love the stress of walking in to a store and wandering, some times with an idea or a text from one of my sisters, and sometimes with no clue. I love searching and I really love when I come across something I think they'll like. I love wrapping it and giving it to the person, even as I wonder if they'll actually hate the gift and I'll be "Crazy Aunt Summer who always gives us weird/crappy presents I don't want." So I didn't want to not give presents this year because it would actually ruin Christmas for me. Oh, sure, I can make a Christmas List with the best of them, but I don't ever expect or need presents. It truly is not about the getting but the giving. While I know this year will not be in the Top Ten for present-giving, I still am able to give something. And I love that part of the gift bags will be homemade. I know it's very likely the kids or the men in the family will think my gifts lame or stupid, but I will give them anyway. Gladly.

I'm looking at the time and I really should stop blogging so I can try to work some more on those stockings. I guess my final thought is this: at the end of the day presents aren't the focus of Christmas. Okay, let's be honest, they kind of are. But I don't think in 10 years anyone is going to say "Remember that year Aunt Summer gave us those crappy gift bags?" I hope they'll remember the time spent with family, which we don't get to do that often. They'll remember my mom's lasagna and laughter. Maybe they'll even still have those stockings and the fact that they were made by me will mean something to them. And even if they don't, I can always remind them that Christmas of 2015 was the year Aunt Summer stopped working so she could focus on becoming Pastor Summer. That sometimes sacrifices must be made to follow a calling. That in life some Christmases are better than others, but as long as we're all together there will never be a bad Christmas. That maybe it's not about getting what you want, but the fact that someone loves you enough to give in the first place.