Blogmas Day 3 (A Very Late Day 3)

I keep waiting for someone to figure out my secret. How much longer can I hide it? When will someone discover what is deep down inside of me? I guess I should just say it before someone finds out.

I, Summer Sattora, am pretending to be an adult.


I'm pretty sure mentally and emotionally I haven't really aged much past 16, maybe 20 on a good day. When I do "adult" things like cook dinner or pay bills or not cry in public I feel like I'm faking it. I still want my mom to make appointments for me. Lately I find that on days when I don't have to leave my apartment I don't even want to change out of my pajamas or shower. And yet, I'm 38. I'm supposed to adult, and in theory be pretty good at it. But I'm not. I suck at it.

Maybe it's because I worked for years in retail, which in the eyes of society is not a "real job." I am not married. I don't have kids. I don't know how to drive. I live in a studio apartment. I like pizza and hot dogs for dinner. I feel like if I'm an adult, shouldn't I at least have a car? A one bedroom apartment, if not a house? Or at least have been in a serious enough relationship that I would've lived with a man by now, or at least had one stick around longer than a few months?

So there you have it. Whatever the girl version of "man-child" is, I feel like that's me. I don't want to have to decide between paying my Internet bill or buying a bunch of movies off of Amazon. I want someone to make dinner for me and keep junk food around so I don't have to think about it. I don't want to clean (oh, wait, I don't).

Am I the only one? Are there other people out there who feel the same way? Or is that the great secret of adulthood, that nobody feels like one? Are we really just a bunch of teenagers and 20-somethings pretending that we're more mature and put together than we really are? Actually, in some ways, I don't know if I even want to adult. Or at least what I think adulting is. I know soon enough school will be over and I will embark on an actual career. Maybe I'll feel like I have things together by then. Or maybe I'll stop worrying about what I "should" be doing as an adult, and embrace my version of adulting. It seems to be working so far I think. I can fake it til I make it. Or not. Whatever. Leave me alone! Mom, will you pick me up some chips and pizza? I'll be in my room.