This list was created as a way to challenge myself, to push myself to doing things outside my comfort zone no matter how small. I had recently mentioned changing some items on my list and while I still haven't done that, I managed to accomplish something that probably would've been on the list if I had gotten my butt in gear. Since I figured adding a list item after I had already accomplished it would be some sort of cheating I thought I would do a write-up and consider it not a list item, but still fulfilling the goal of the list.
I bought a pair of turquoise skinny jeans. I know, I know, you're thinking to yourself "How the heck does this push Summer out of her comfort zone?" Let me take you back to my past a moment. I was never the popular girl. Never the trendy girl. Growing up I either didn't care about fashion or couldn't figure it out (I'm still not sure which). Added to this was the pressure of having younger sisters who were the pretty trendy popular girls of school, and it just became easier to the artsy one who didn't care what she looked like. But the secret: I did. I went on to college and it was more of the same. During the time when you were supposed to be figuring out your "unique style" I couldn't do it. One day I felt like a t-shirt and jeans the next a flowy skirt. Plus, being on a limited budget, I couldn't really justify spending money on something that might only be considered cool for a couple months.
Cut to now. I love clothes. I love shoes. I read InStyle and Glamour every month and have the ability to drool over names like Prabal Gurung or Jason Wu. But the catch is I work a retail job where I have to wear the exact same thing every day: khaki pants and a black (or white) collar shirt. The excitement of my week is Monday's when I work in shoes and can wear a red shirt. And being on my feet every day it's easier to just wear a pair of comfortable sneakers. On my days off I usually just hang around my apartment. I don't have much of a social life so the need to wear clothes that look nice isn't a high one. And as usual, I'm on a limited budget so new clothes are not always a priority. But I'm getting tired of that. I'm tired of not feeling good about myself. Maybe it was buying my pretty girl dress back in December. Maybe it's the fact that I constantly open my closet and my dresser and say "I hate everything I own." But I want to make more of an effort.
Two recent trends that I've been wanting to try but too scared to are skinny jeans and brightly colored denim. The magazines are full of these styles. My own mother wears skinny jeans for God's sake! I decided to conquer the fear of feeling like if I try to wear "cool girl" clothes people will laugh and point their fingers and say "Who does she think she is trying to pull off that outfit? Go back to your jeans that don't fit and country concert T-shirt." But as I was wandering the clothing department of Target on pay day I came across a rack of brightly colored skinny jeans that were 50% off. I could finally be brave and only spend $11!!!! But then I started to think of the shirts I had at home and convinced myself I didn't have anything to wear with them and walked away. But thanks to two of my friends I got talked in to going back and buying them. Then I started to convince myself they wouldn't fit and I would probably bring them back anyway. They'd be too tight or too long. I got home and tried them on and THEY FIT PERFECTLY!!!! (At least I assume so. I don't actually own a full length mirror so I can only go by how they feel) I wore them to church on Sunday in fact. I think there's hope for me yet!! While not quite on the level of the Robert Rodriguez dress, I felt cool in them. I didn't think anyone was laughing at me. I felt like I could walk in to any room just about anywhere and not feel intimidated by the better dressed women around me. If you've never had self-esteem issues surrounding your looks then I'm sure you don't quite get it. And while one should be over all this crap by the time they're 34, the truth is that this is a constant struggle for me. I have more days where I feel good than bad. But you just can't quite get rid of that sad little 15 year old girl who only truly felt good when she was on a stage pretending to be somebody else.
Next trend: scarf?
No comments:
Post a Comment