Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?

Sometimes it is really frustrating being me. Here's a peek in to why:

This morning I was on Facebook and I saw a post from the Dryden Theatre that said they would be showing Julius Caesar with Marlon Brando tonight. I love old movies and who doesn't love them some young Marlon Brando? So I shared it on my Facebook page and asked if anyone wanted to go. Cut to several hours later and I had one person like the post. Other than that....crickets. At one point I started having a pity party. I mean, nothing makes you feel like you have no friends than when you get no response to a general Facebook invite, right?

So here's the first frustration: I don't know how to ask people to hang out on a one-on-one basis. Or at the very least, I'm awkward and uncomfortable. I did ask one person but she doesn't have access to her car. I can't get too mad because as an introvert I am friends with a lot of introverts so I totally understand the whole I don't want to leave my house thing. If you don't fall on to my part of the introvert scale, you're probably wondering why I didn't start texting or messaging people I know and seeing if they want to go. Because I always just assume nobody wants to go with me (they would've responded to the Facebook post, right?) or I've already made excuses for them in my head. They're married. They have kids. They already have plans. They need more prior notice than day of. It's Shark Week. We don't know each other well enough to hang out one-on-one. That sort of thing. So instead of trying, I pity party.

Here's the second frustration: sometimes I won't go do something I want to do because if it's just me the effort is just too great. I mean, I was so excited to see the movie! But now I'm sitting here trying to come up with excuses to justify staying home. If I'm faced with an unknown situation and/or an unknown place, my instinct is to back away from it. Every. Single. Time. I don't like that about myself, but that's my default setting. And I know once I go I will have fun and be glad I went, and yet.... I could clean. I could be doing some reading for my Bible Content Exam. I could start packing for Cuba. I could do what I've been doing all day and sit on the couch watching TV. It might rain. I could use the money later in the week when I go to The Cinema (a place I am very comfortable with).

So there you have it. Will I go? I'm still waffling back and forth, truthfully. I am trying to talk myself in to it. I know going out and doing things is how you meet people and become interesting. It's healthy to be in public once in a while, not just stay here with my Netflix and Hulu and coloring and cross-stitching and cats. I know, some of you are reading this and thinking I am being absolutely ridiculous. On some level, I'm reading this thinking I'm being absolutely ridiculous. Maybe that's why I'm blogging. So I can call myself out and push myself to do something I want to do. To be clear, this isn't a phobia. I'm not afraid to go and mingle with the masses. It really all comes down to comfort zone. And I hate it. I guess what I'm trying to say is the next time you see me do a vague general Facebook invite, know that what I'm really saying is I need the motivation and excuse to leave my space. Don't be afraid to reach out to me. Also, don't be afraid to invite me places. If I say no, you might need to do a little prodding and convincing. If I need the me time, as in if I've been doing too much with other people and need to recharge, know that I will tell you. Respect that. And ask me to do something again. I promise I will eventually say yes.